Intimacy, Excitement and Authenticity
Until I stepped through the doors of the Humaniversity I had little idea about my own sexuality. I could have sex, but not really show myself. I thought my sexual enjoyment was the responsibility of the other.
What I saw was that I felt guilt about enjoying pleasure. Underneath there was this feeling I shouldn’t be doing it. I felt shy or ashamed about wanting pleasure in my life, and somewhere I believed that I did not deserve it.
I was scared to express to a man where I was really at, and what I wanted. Actually, I didn’t even know what I wanted. I felt like I had to be some perfect pleasing woman who knew everything and had it all together and knew what to do – the truth was I did not.
Here, in this special space, I took risks to show my vulnerability, desires and needs and see what would happen. I was nervous about how I would be received – would I be rejected? Would the person get angry? Would the person feel I am no good? Am I allowed to feel different moment to moment? These were some of my fears.
What I discovered is as soon as I got really honest with myself and others – a whole new intimacy, understanding and friendship would show up in return. This gave me a base to step in, dare and move towards excitement. A whole new territory opened up based on being authentic first.
This training for me was not about sexual techniques. The training is a lot more than that. The practical process encouraged me to release my emotions, express, try things out, dare, act in role play, ask questions, talk with men and women about sexuality, fears and pleasure. I learned to be curious, respecting and understanding where the other is at, laughing about it and creating friendships.
I had the opportunity to make friends with men in my peer group and understand their needs. I am no longer scared of my own sexuality, and so I am no longer overwhelmed by men and their sexuality. In the past I would not know how to handle their needs or my own. This training has brought me closer to men as friends and lovers. It has opened up my potential of who I am sexually. My sexual experience with people and myself has evolved and grown beyond my imagination – and has also met my imagination!
Film/TV Production London